I'm happily depressed, depressingly happy.
Saturday, May 19, 2012

I'm really supposed to be sleeping at 2:46AM, but I feel like I'll forget everything when I wake up in the morning so I'm writing them down now.

I suggest not reading this post unless you're really bored, or if you're really interested in my thoughts. Because it's probably going to be pretty confusing, even for me. Since I'm really just jotting down my thoughts.

The title explains it all.
I'm happily depressed, depressingly happy.

Something is missing when I'm happy, something doesn't feel right when I'm sad. Of course, this means a lot of analyzing and coming up with crazy ideas. After a lot of thinking last night, I've narrowed down to the most possible answer.

I cannot remember which philosopher who said this, but there are two types of pleasures. the normal kind of pleasure that's called (something) pleasure. I can't remember, just treat it as basic. And the other type is called higher pleasure.

"Normal" pleasure is pleasure you get from satisfying your needs. For example, food, sleep, sex. Or things that get your adrenaline pumping, like gambling, or smoking or drinking.

Higher pleasures involves an act that does not satisfy our instinctive/beastly needs, but it's aimed at quenching our intellectual thirst.
For eg. Poems, science, philosophy, books.

In a way the higher pleasure is considered better, because you need a higher intellect to actually enjoy it. If you show a Shakespeare play to someone who is basically an idiot, he would think that the characters are just shouting nonsense. He would not gain any pleasure for it, however, put someone who understands the play and the intrinsic beauty of it, even though it doesn't satisfy any of his physical needs, it will grant him a pleasure greater than sex.

For anyone who is reading this and don't get what I said at all. Let me put it in a simpler form.

"Sometimes, you would rather play games than eat/sleep or even have sex."

I'm not sure where games will rank in this hierarchy, but I hope you understand what I mean by higher pleasure by now.

So for my "problem". I think that I can only experience one form of pleasure at any given moment. I know I've been using the world pleasure throughout, but pleasure = happiness. It makes more sense to use the word pleasure than happiness in this case.

I feel like I'm been feeding my higher pleasure for way too long. It's like I'm missing something. I've been watching talks, reading articles, improving my knowledge of the world, how it functions, why it works like that. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it greatly. Nothing gives me more pleasure than learning about interesting things I've never known. But something's missing.

Cheap thrills. That's the 2 words I came up with. I haven't traveled for the sake of good food, to give my taste buds a sensational massage. Nor have I engaged in a journey of exploding romance, I've kind of, taken a pit-stop from the voyage. Something felt off. Which is pretty much the reason why I started littleawesomethings. I wanted to write down any "beastly" pleasures that I experience.

But the two experiences always felt separated. Normal, and higher pleasure.
Could I have sex while reading a book? 
Physically possible but... that's not the point. It seems impossible to combine the two feelings together. Which makes it fundamentally frustrating for me.

For example, when I'm watching a show that I love and I get excited and I get all moe over a character, it genuinely makes me happy. At the same time, it's annoying because it isn't rational.

When I'm watching a video on which cells form first when you're a zygote (first stage of a baby), the way of energy consumption determines what level of organism you are; I'm happy, like, in a way that my vocab doesn't allow me to express. It just doesn't feel like it's enough.

Which raises this worrying question.
Am I insensitized to pleasure?

I'm going to buy a computer gadget tomorrow, which I'm going to write a post about. However, I don't get the tingles anymore. Yes, I get the tingles when I plan on, and definitely is going to get a computer gadget last time. Similar to the feeling of having butterflies in your stomach. I get excited and look forward to it, very much.

Not this time.

I'm going to skip past the sad, depressing, psychotic and pathetic thoughts, and move to the happier track.

I'm thinking, maybe I feel like my life's good the way it is. Maybe, I'm just doing little things to make me happier, but I'm already content. Sure, there are definitely a few more kinks that needs working on, but as a whole, I couldn't wish for better.

Ironic as it sounds,
I really am happily depressed, and depressingly happy.

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Leave a comment (6)


hi great post! ive been a regular reader for some time now n i rly like ur blog! :)

just would like to ask if u know how to off the camera shutter function on galaxy s1 because it is quite annoying ><
just thot you would know as you seem quite skilled in technology and everything :D

By Anonymous Anonymous, at May 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM  

Haha thank you! :D

What do you mean by camera shutter? The animation or the sound? Either way, you should consider using another app as it'll be easier than an alternative. (:

By Blogger Lelouch, at May 20, 2012 at 8:01 PM  

thanks for replying :)

the camera shutter sound i meant oops! do you have any alternative apps that i shd consider? what did u do to off the camera shutter sound on the s2? thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at May 24, 2012 at 11:38 AM  

I would recommend Camera Zoom FX. Lots of functions. Though I don't really use it that much.

I'm running a custom ROM. (the software the phone runs on) So the sound will be gone when I set the phone to silent. I'm not sure if it works on stock ROM. (the original software). But you could give it a try!

By Blogger Lelouch, at May 24, 2012 at 11:08 PM  

EH I told you before that I read your blog once in a blue moon, and whenever I do it'll be a few pages at a time right! Hahaha.

So hello! While your blog is already really awesome, posts like these (once in a while) would make you seem more.. human. I dont really know how to put it, hmm.

Nevermind! Just wanted to say HELLOOOO


By Anonymous Xinni, at May 27, 2012 at 1:47 AM  

Oh hello how long has it been man!

Heh, you made it sound like I'm a robot or something. But okay I think I get what you mean~


By Blogger Lelouch, at May 27, 2012 at 10:44 AM  

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