NSD #3 - Man, this is getting hard
Friday, July 19, 2013

Okay here's the deal, I am confused about what I am supposed to write down here. Even though writing down daily/weekly events can be rather interesting in it's own way, it doesn't really... reflect my overall thoughts on them. So I will write a separate one for that if I can get the time to do so. For now, I shall keep up this daily/weekly style and see how it goes. 

Unfortunately I have to wake up at 5am tomorrow so... yes I am writing the rest tomorrow. Adios!

Alright, so I have booked out for the first time.
How was it?

Yep that's really all that I could say about it. I guess that it varies from people to people, but when you book out sick after 3 weeks, it's really a downer and it doesn't really make me feel that happy being out of that miserable island.

Many have told me legendary stories about how females will look a billion times prettier, and 40 year-old aunties will look like shimmering 18 year-olds. It would be as if I have never seen the opposite sex for the entirety of my life. Did that urban myth have any shred of truth to it? Well... for the most part, nope; not really.

Sure, females might have became a strange sight to us all, but it really didn't increase their appeal by leaps and bounds like I have hoped for and expected. Which is a shame really.

Everything was rather anti-climatic. Things were how they were supposed to be, the way I remembered it. Life didn't get any better, nor worse. It was kind of a "meh~" moment for me, maybe I haven't suffered enough inside to appreciate the beauty of freedom; or maybe I have a really strong perception of things that isn't easily affected by other experiences.

So fast forward one fucking day (to Sunday), and we are back into this new dumpster we call home. Well, I say dumpster but honestly it is a million times cleaner than my own room. Honestly, I have never lived in a place that doesn't have dust in it's corners, nor any blemishes to be found. Still, I hated it more than I thought I did. The moment we arrived, we kana tekan. (got punished) It wasn't anything too serious or life changingly hard, but it was a clear message from the commanders that, "You better wake up your idea, you are back here."

Anyway, Monday was SAF day. We had to stand still for hours.

Let me side track a little here. Is it that hard to stand totally still and shut the fuck up? Yes, actually yes. It's not as easy as itTH seems, but honestly it really isn't that hard. I really cannot understand why some people (around me) just can't shut the fuck up and stand there, they simply have to talk about shit that really doesn't need to be talked about right at that moment. I can understand the occasional adjustment when it itches, but man, discipline bitches.

Back to SAF day, because the weather was so damn hot, perspiration was constantly trickling down my face, overwhelming my eyebrows and infiltrating my eyes, hanging off the tip of my nose, seeping into the creaks of my mouth. It was definitely not an enjoyable experience to say the least. This was also the first time I have seen so many people have such an affectionate relationship with the floor. Yes, people were fainting left and right around me and I was wondering: "When is my turn?"

It is mostly due to poor blood circulation, when you simply don't move your feet for hours on end, your blood have a hard time getting to your head. (and the heat was bad) It was a rather interesting spectacle as the medics were running around non-stop throughout the entire ceremony. Jokes aside, there were a few rather serious ones, including a sergeant that really just fell flat on the ground with a loud thud, that scared the crap outta me.

Sometimes we have extra time on our hands, but it's not like they could just let us go back and rest in the bunk. (really, why not?! I don't understand this) So during those times, we do our self-introductions. It finally reach this guy called Edwin, and no one likes him. It's not that he has a terrible personality, it's just that he has a huge dinosaur-egg-like head, coupled with a goofy expression and is rather obnoxious. He is my platoon's tried and true Wayang King. As he continued to wayang throughout his introductions for a prolonged period of time, he boasted that he does street magic. One guy from the back shouted,
"Really ah! Can you make yourself disappear?"

Man, I almost got wrinkles from laughing too hard.

Moving on, I failed my IPPT spectacularly. Did my first route march with only a vest and other stuffs and it is as my sergeant described it, a walk in the park. It obviously isn't as easy when we have our full suit on but that's for a later post.

This week flew by quickly with all the training going on and my weekend blew past quickly as I was still sick. I shall skip past all the parts when I'm down rolling in the gutter and move on to the highlights. Because I really don't want to remember that shitty feeling.

There was this morning when my eyes had the chance to witness one of the most beautiful skies ever. It started off with blue and yellow where the clouds/sun were, then the blue colour slowly shifted into cyan when it mixes with the yellow light. The colours slowly flow into a pink magenta colour as the sky lights up. Man, I really wish I could take a picture of that scene man. Fuck the restrictions!

Alright, so there was this other event that really made me laugh my ass out.
We were having some sort of checking in our bunk, then we had to lay out some ziplock bags in front of us. Yong's ziplock has a lot of air inside and it looked like a balloon, so my sergeant said, "你相信我一脚踩下去它会爆吗?" Yong looked at him straight in the face, then brutally stomp on the ziplock bag thrice, with a puffed chest, he proudly replied, "Sergeant, 我踩三次没有问题!!" Everyone in the bunk nearly fell on the ground laughing, then the sergeant also Bo Wei Gong. (nothing to say)

So who is this Yong guy? He's a Msian PR, and he our laughing stock. Not in a bad way, but in a really really funny way. His life is a joke because he got scammed by his mum to come over to SG, saying that there was no need to serve the army. But he ended up inside the Army, 2 weeks after he arrived. And he enlisted 1 day after his birthday. There is really nothing I can say except, sigh. That's just fucked up. Still, even though he got fucked over by his mum, he is the pride of our platoon and never failed to make anyone laugh. Also, he can't speak English very well, which explains why the sergeant spoke to him in Mandarin. So sometimes he has some really funny outbreaks where he'll say things like, "All the platoon.... fuck!" He will also end his sentences inappropriately with "fuck." So if you ask him,
"Can lend me pen?"
"Okay! Fuck you!"

Random note: There was this officer that spoke to us for our last parade. (something like a debriefing for the day) When he was done with all the official stuffs, he continued to say, "Alright, now for the message of the day from me." We were bewildered as we never had any message of the day for our last parade before. Then he proceeded to say, "ORD BITCHES!" while swinging his arm maniacally up in the air. That bitch.

Moving on to the next event, so it happens that we were having our "self-introduction" session again (near a basketball court), but we were pretty much done with all that so it's kind of like a bonding session for the platoon including the commanders. So there was this guy (Boon) who was from a basketball team so we asked him to go and touch the rim while all of us cheer for him. At this point of time, there were 2 other platoons in the vicinity. When platoon 2 saw what Boon did, they immediately sent a representative who is almost 2 meters tall and did the same deed. We were like OOOOOOO CHALLENGE ACCEPTED kind of thing.

Next up, Jason went to the center of the basketball court to show off his dance skill. Platoon 2 sent another guy to show his skills and have a dance off with Jason. I have to admit, both of them were pretty good! I can't dance for nuts.

Then came the most WTF moment of the night. Platoon 2 sent 2 guys over to our side. One guy then said, "Our sergeant told us to show you this." And I thought that they were going to do something impressive with their limbs. Much to our shock and more importantly, disgust; the chubbier guy lifted up his shirt, squeeze his moobs (man boobs) with his hand and lifted it up. He then cock his head downwards, stuck his tongue out and licked his own nipple. It a truly disturbing sight. Our commanders were WTFed and just told that guy, "eh jibai lah you!" After that mind-boggling sight, we were entertained by ZK moaning needlessly over and over again. Like I said before, nothing gay was going on in Army.

Okay this is getting a little too long, I shall save some for my next post! Though I really have too much crap to write about.

As you can see so far, as long as I don't think about the arduous training we endure everyday, life really isn't all shit in the army. There are always little things in the day that make you feel like you're still inches away from the real hell.

Alright I am booking in today, shall end here!

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