FFT: Feeling good for not doing a bad thing
Friday, August 26, 2016

I had this conversation with my girlfriend recently, she was telling me about her work and how there's this bitch who hasn't been doing her work properly and she has to cover up for her all the time. (gross generalisation but let's just roll with it)

Her boss is aware of the situation so she prompted her about it and she is finally able to give some feedback about her colleague's poor work conduct. She mostly agreed with her boss's opinion without adding too much fuel to the flame, leaving out the incriminating parts that will probaly set her boss on a witch-hunt.

As she told me about it, I realized that she is actually proud that she held back; happy that she is the bigger person.

The thing is, why are we always happy when we stopped ourselves from doing a bad thing? It's like, we thought of it in the first place, just one step away from fulfilling it.

Stay with me here, I thought of this because of a book I read sometime back called, "hyperbole and a half". The book is more or less a compilation of all the posts on it's website.

Near the end of the book there's this chapter where the author explores him/herself, and found out that "I'm a shittier person than I thought I am".

One of the examples quoted loosely is when you see an annoying kid making a ruckus and just wouldn't shut up for the love of god. I would feel an urge to carass his face, violently, with a brick. Of course I wouldn't do that, not for many reasons other than the law. I would then feel "good" about myself for being the bigger man and not venting my angst upon that little devil.

Or a more random situation like, being at a sandy playground and having the urge to hurl sand at someone, just for the fun of it. I don't know why there's even such an urge but I surpressed it, then I feel good that I did not do a bad thing. But the fact that the thought even cross my mind isn't anything "good" don't you think? A proper good person shouldn't be thinking of random shit like that to do.

Which is the point of such a lengthy post, that we are all shittier than what we perceive ourselves to be*
*for most people anyway, unless you're a born saint. 

I was just amused that what the author described happened exactly in real life, and I was able to witness it from a 3rd person point of view. If it was me behaving that way, I would definitely not been able to spot it out.

In conclusion, not committing to a bad thing you've thought of isn't exactly something worth feeling good about.

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